Tulips and reed

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Jane Austin
Tulips and reed

When I was in high school, still living in Mariupol, one spring there were beautiful red tulips blooming in our garden. I cut a few and put them in a vase, but they wouldn`t stay straight. For some reason, their long stems were too weak, and the flowers were too heavy, so they bowed down to the table. Our house was not too far from the river, and we had a lot of reeds growing by the nearby creek. Reed had strong, sturdy stems; so, I decided to cut a few thick stems and use them as a support for my tulips. In a crystal vase, plain common reed and sophisticated red tulips made a beautiful and uncommon pair. I remember thinking they are like harmony of yin and yang, masculinity and femininity.

And I experienced my fair share of healthy and respectful support from men. When I became a doctor, I was lecturing high school students, mostly girls, through a non-profit, on topics of sexuality, purpose of life and drug abuse. One time I made an agreement with the head of the local trade school about these lectures. I was shocked to see that he gathered all the students in the large hall (more than a hundred teens, mostly boys). I asked him what he was thinking, we agreed to 15-20 girls, and he answered, listen, no one ever comes here to talk about these topics, not to mention someone like you; and what are you afraid of? The microphone is working, you have your slides, all teachers are here, and if any of the students will make a beep – I will kick him out right away. I gathered myself, and I gave the lecture, and a few other lectures after that. It went well, teens paid attention, quite a few lined up after the lecture to discuss what they heard. I remember and appreciate that the head of trade school believed in me; or maybe he was just in desperate need of someone educating kids on these topics. He gave me support, just like those reeds to my tulips, and some encouragement.

But I also experienced toxic masculinity as well; when my boss screamed at me for no real reason, or a man told me I was “too smart for a woman”, and I felt I had to make excuses that I am not that smart after all.

I am not sure is it about relationships between the sexes or just between humans, mere respect. As I always say to my kids if they say they don’t like someone; you don’t have to like them; just show respect and treat them decently; no need to be their friend.

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